US Trends

difference between who and whom

The key difference is: who is used for the subject of a verb, and whom is used for the object of a verb or preposition.

Difference Between Who and Whom

Quick Scoop

If you can replace the word with he/she/they , use who.
If you can replace it with him/her/them , use whom.

  • Who = subject pronoun (like I, he, she, we, they).
  • Whom = object pronoun (like me, him, her, us, them).

Simple examples

  • “Who called you?” → He called you. (who is correct: subject).
  • “Whom did you call?” → You called him. (whom is correct: object).
  • “That’s the girl who scored the goal.” (She scored the goal → subject = who).
  • “Whom do you like best?” (You like him → object = whom).

How to Decide: Quick Tests

1. He/She vs. Him/Her test

  1. Rewrite the sentence part that has who/whom.
  2. Try swapping in he/she/they or him/her/them.
  3. If he/she/they fits, use who ; if him/her/them fits, use whom.

Example: “I don’t know who/whom to invite.”
Try: “I should invite him.” → object → whom is technically correct:
“I don’t know whom to invite.”

Example: “Who/whom is coming to the party?”
Try: “She is coming to the party.” → subject → who is correct:
“Who is coming to the party?”

2. Subject vs. object idea

  • Use who when the word is doing the action (subject).
  • Use whom when the word is receiving the action or follows a preposition (object).

“The scientists who discovered the new planet were awarded a prize.”
The scientists discovered the planet → they did the action → who.

“The person to whom you spoke is my manager.”
You spoke to him → follows “to” → whom.

A Note on Modern Usage (2026 context)

In everyday spoken English, especially online and in forums, who is often used even where strict grammar would prefer whom.

  • Informal but common: “Who did you give it to?”
  • Very formal / textbook: “To whom did you give it?”

Many style guides now say whom feels very formal and is mostly needed:

  • after a preposition at the beginning : “For whom was this written?”
  • in very formal writing or exams.

Mini sections

When you should definitely use “whom”

Use whom when:

  • It comes right after a preposition , especially at the start of a clause or sentence:
    • “To whom did you address that letter?”
* “My teacher, for whom I’m doing some research, is in a meeting.”
  • You can clearly rephrase with him/her/them as object:
    • “Gandhi is someone whom most people admire.” → Most people admire him.
* “That’s the guy whom she married.” → She married him.

When “who” is more natural

Use who when:

  • The pronoun is clearly the doer :
    • “Who would like to go on vacation?”
* “Who is waiting for you?”
  • You’re speaking casually, and the structure would sound stiff with whom :
    • Everyday: “Who are you talking to?”
    • Formal: “To whom are you talking?”

Quick HTML table for reference

html

<table>
  <thead>
    <tr>
      <th>Use</th>
      <th>Who</th>
      <th>Whom</th>
    </tr>
  </thead>
  <tbody>
    <tr>
      <td>Grammar role</td>
      <td>Subject of the verb (doer of action)[web:1][web:7][web:9]</td>
      <td>Object of verb or preposition (receiver of action)[web:1][web:7][web:9]</td>
    </tr>
    <tr>
      <td>Pronoun test</td>
      <td>Replace with he / she / they[web:1][web:9]</td>
      <td>Replace with him / her / them[web:1][web:9]</td>
    </tr>
    <tr>
      <td>Formality level</td>
      <td>Neutral, common in speech and writing[web:4][web:7]</td>
      <td>More formal; often used in careful or academic writing[web:4][web:6][web:7]</td>
    </tr>
    <tr>
      <td>After prepositions</td>
      <td>Often used in informal speech: “Who did you give it to?”[web:4]</td>
      <td>Preferred in formal style: “To whom did you give it?”[web:1][web:7]</td>
    </tr>
    <tr>
      <td>Example question</td>
      <td>“Who called you?”[web:7][web:9]</td>
      <td>“Whom did you call?”[web:1][web:7]</td>
    </tr>
    <tr>
      <td>Example relative clause</td>
      <td>“That’s the girl who scored the goal.”[web:1][web:5]</td>
      <td>“My best friend, whom I’ve known for ten years, is getting married.”[web:8]</td>
    </tr>
  </tbody>
</table>

Mini “forum-style” angle

“Is ‘whom’ basically dead now? I only ever see it in formal emails or grammar quizzes.”

This is a common sentiment in current online discussions:

  • Many users say they only use whom when they want to sound especially formal or correct.
  • Teachers, exam-prep sites, and grammar tools still teach the classic subject–object rules and test them.
  • Some modern guides even suggest that outside of preposition-fronted phrases (“to whom”, “for whom”), who is usually acceptable in everyday writing.

So in 2026 English usage, knowing the rule helps you recognize and use whom when you need to, but in casual speech most people will just say who in almost all situations.

Quick TL;DR

  • Who = subject, like he/she/they; “Who is coming?”
  • Whom = object, like him/her/them; “Whom did you invite?” (formal).
  • After a preposition at the beginning , use whom in formal English: “To whom did you write?”.
  • In casual conversation and many online forums, people mostly use who , and that’s widely accepted today.

Information gathered from public forums or data available on the internet and portrayed here.