what are you supposed to do when you find yourself under the mistletoe?
When you find yourself under the mistletoe with someone, you’re traditionally “supposed” to share a kiss—but in modern times it’s really about consent, comfort, and a bit of playful holiday fun.
What the tradition says
- In 18th–19th century Europe, a kiss under hanging mistletoe was believed to bring good luck and happiness to the couple.
- Some older versions say a berry should be plucked for each kiss, and when the berries are gone, the kissing stops.
What you’re actually expected to do now
- Read the vibe first
- Make eye contact and smile; if the other person looks uncomfortable, you absolutely don’t have to do anything.
- A quick laugh and a “Guess we’re under the mistletoe!” comment can give them an easy way to lean in or opt out.
- Ask or signal clearly
- With someone you know well, a light “Mistletoe rules—okay if I give you a kiss?” keeps it fun and respectful.
- If you’re not close, a cheek kiss, a hug, or even just a joking bow or high-five is perfectly acceptable.
- Use low‑pressure alternatives
- Offer a quick cheek kiss instead of a lips kiss if that feels more comfortable.
- Or turn it into a joke tradition: a hug, a silly curtsy, or saying “Holiday truce!” and clinking glasses.
When you should not kiss
- If the other person looks uneasy, pulls back, or doesn’t respond enthusiastically.
- If there’s a power imbalance (e.g., boss/employee, someone much younger, drunk vs. sober) where they might feel pressured.
- With strangers or acquaintances who haven’t clearly shown they’re into that level of closeness.
In short: the old custom is a kiss under the mistletoe, but the modern rule is simple—only do what both people clearly feel okay and relaxed about, and it’s always fine to just laugh it off and walk on.