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when an intimate past ex calls the cops on you and then says you're not a victim and you end up getting a dui is that considered manipulation?

Yes — it can be considered manipulation , especially if your ex used the police call to control the situation, shift blame, or invalidate your experience after the fact. In relationship terms, that can also fit patterns like gaslighting, coercive control, or retaliation, depending on the context and intent.

What makes it manipulative

A situation like this is more likely to be seen as manipulative when:

  • The person makes a call to police to punish you or gain leverage.
  • They deny your side of the story by saying you are “not a victim.”
  • They use the DUI outcome to rewrite what happened or make you look entirely at fault.
  • They ignore any real harm, fear, or confusion you experienced.

That said, not every bad or unfair act is automatically manipulation in the clinical sense. Sometimes it is also just false accusation, emotional retaliation, or a conflict escalated into legal trouble.

Why the DUI matters

If you ended up with a DUI, that does not cancel out the possibility that your ex behaved manipulatively. A person can be intoxicated or make poor choices and still be manipulated, falsely accused, or treated unfairly by someone close to them. The legal issue and the relationship issue are related, but they are not the same thing.

Practical next steps

  • Write down the timeline while it is still fresh.
  • Save texts, call logs, photos, and witness names.
  • Do not contact your ex in anger or try to “argue the truth” over messages.
  • If this involves an arrest, court case, or license issue, talk to a lawyer quickly.
  • If there was abuse, threats, or coercion in the relationship, consider documenting that pattern too.

Bottom line

Yes, based on what you described, it could reasonably be seen as manipulative behavior. It may also be part of a broader pattern of emotional abuse or false reporting, especially if the goal was to control the narrative and deny your experience.

TL;DR: The police call itself, the “you’re not a victim” claim, and the way the story was framed after the DUI can all point to manipulation, but the exact label depends on the broader pattern and intent.