“How to Make Friends with the Dark” is a 2019 YA novel by Kathleen Glasgow about a teen girl thrown into sudden, life‑upending grief after her mother dies, and how she slowly learns to live with that loss instead of being swallowed by it.

What the book is about

The story follows Tiger Tolliver, a sixteen‑year‑old whose life is shattered when her single mother dies unexpectedly, leaving her to navigate the foster care system, complicated family secrets, and overwhelming grief. As Tiger is bounced through different living situations, she struggles with guilt, anger, and numbness while trying to figure out who she is without the person who was her whole world.

The title points to the idea that “the dark” is grief itself: something terrifying and suffocating that she eventually has to stop fighting and start learning to live alongside. Instead of a neat recovery arc, the book shows grief as messy, non‑linear, and deeply personal.

Key themes and ideas

  • Grief and loss: The book depicts raw, sometimes unbearable grief—panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and the sense that life has lost its shape after a parent dies. It also suggests that healing doesn’t mean “getting over it,” but learning to move forward while still carrying that loss.
  • Foster care and instability: After her mother’s death, Tiger is placed into the foster care system, where she encounters abrupt moves, unfamiliar homes, and uncertainty about her future. The story highlights both the failures and the small lifelines within that system, including other kids who understand what she’s going through.
  • Family, found and blood: Tiger discovers a half‑sister, Shayna, who steps in as a potential guardian despite her own history with addiction, an abusive relationship, and poverty. The book emphasizes that family can be complicated and imperfect, but still become a source of support and hope.
  • Community in healing: Grief groups, new friends like Lupe and Thaddeus, and other adults who show up for Tiger demonstrate that connection is crucial when you’re in the darkest moments. The story suggests that sharing your pain can make it more bearable and that you don’t have to endure it alone.

Why it resonates now

The novel continues to be discussed in recent study guides and reviews because it speaks to ongoing conversations about teen mental health, trauma, and support systems. Content warnings often flag its exploration of self‑harm, suicidal ideation, addiction, and domestic violence, so readers and educators treat it as a powerful but emotionally heavy text.

Its focus on grief, imperfect caregivers, and finding community reflects broader, current concerns about how young people cope when traditional family structures and safety nets fall apart. Many recent discussions frame it as a hard‑hitting but ultimately hopeful story about learning to live with the “dark” rather than pretending it isn’t there.

Mini “Quick Scoop” bullets

  • YA contemporary novel (2019) by Kathleen Glasgow.
  • Follows Tiger Tolliver after her single mother’s sudden death.
  • Explores grief, foster care, trauma, and sisterhood.
  • Title refers to making peace with grief—the “dark”—instead of escaping it.
  • Includes heavy topics: self‑harm, suicide, addiction, domestic violence (often listed with content warnings).

Information gathered from public forums or data available on the internet and portrayed here.