Here are some of the key things you should look for in a relationship if you want it to feel healthy, stable, and worth your time.

1. Core green flags

  • Mutual respect for your feelings, time, values, and boundaries (no mocking, belittling, or controlling “jokes”).
  • Trust that’s shown through consistency, honesty, and reliability over time, not just words.
  • Kindness in everyday moments: how they speak to you when stressed, how they treat waitstaff, friends, and family.
  • Feeling emotionally and physically safe—no fear of explosions, retaliation, or “walking on eggshells.”
  • A sense that you’re teammates, facing problems side‑by‑side instead of against each other.

2. Emotional skills to look for

  • Emotional intelligence: they can notice their own feelings, talk about them, and take yours seriously instead of calling you “too sensitive.”
  • Empathy: they try to understand where you’re coming from, even when they disagree.
  • Accountability: they can say “I was wrong” and actually change the behavior, not just apologize on repeat.
  • A growth mindset: they’re open to learning, feedback, and working on the relationship rather than expecting perfection from you.

In long‑term relationships, emotional maturity usually matters more than looks, status, or “chemistry.”

3. Communication and conflict

  • You can talk about hard things (money, sex, future plans, conflict) without it blowing up every time.
  • They listen to understand instead of just waiting to respond or “win.”
  • Disagreements stay on the issue—no cheap shots, name‑calling, or threats to leave as a weapon.
  • After conflict, they’re willing to repair: calm down, talk it through, apologize, and adjust.

Think of it like: can we fight better over time, or does every argument feel like the end of the world?

4. Lifestyle fit and shared values

  • Broadly similar values around things like family, money, fidelity, substances, and long‑term goals.
  • Some overlap in interests and how you like to spend free time, even if you don’t share every hobby.
  • Agreement (or at least active, ongoing conversation) about big life directions: kids or no kids, where to live, career priorities.
  • Independence: both of you keep your own friends, interests, and identity instead of making the relationship your whole personality.

5. Affection, attraction, and intimacy

  • You actually enjoy each other’s company and have fun together; it’s not all heavy talks and drama.
  • Physical affection and sexual expectations feel compatible or at least openly discussable.
  • They show affection in ways that land for you—through words, touch, time together, or support.

A good sign: you feel more yourself with them, not less.

6. Red flags to avoid

  • Controlling behavior: checking your phone, telling you what to wear, isolating you from friends/family, or making you “check in” constantly.
  • Regularly dismissing your feelings (“you’re crazy,” “you’re overreacting”) or twisting reality (gaslighting).
  • Frequent jealousy, accusations, or tests of loyalty.
  • Refusal to talk about problems, shutting down or exploding whenever issues come up.
  • Patterns of disrespect—insults, eye‑rolling, mocking, or making you feel small.

If any kind of abuse (emotional, physical, sexual, financial) is present, that’s not a “work on it” situation; it’s a safety issue.

7. A quick mental checklist

When you’re with this person, ask yourself:

  1. Do I like who I am around them?
  1. Do I feel heard when I speak up?
  1. Do their actions match their words over time?
  1. Can we disagree without destroying each other?
  1. If a friend described this relationship, would I think it sounded healthy?

If you want, tell me a bit about your situation (ages, how long you’ve been seeing each other, a couple of recent examples), and I can help you map these points directly onto what you’re experiencing.