Elbows on the table are seen as rude mostly because of old etiquette rules tied to space, posture, and social respect, not because there is anything inherently “bad” about elbows themselves. The rule started in older European dining cultures and has softened today, especially in casual settings, but it still lingers as a signal of manners in more formal meals.

Where the rule came from

  • In medieval Europe, people often ate at long trestle tables that were less stable; leaning with elbows could literally tip or collapse the board, so the rule had a practical safety angle.
  • Over time, elites turned this into a mark of refinement: keeping elbows off the table showed self‑control, respect for the host, and awareness of others’ comfort.
  • Early etiquette writers, from Erasmus in the 1500s to modern “manners” books, repeated the idea that elbows on the table look greedy, lazy, or overly casual at shared meals.

Why it’s considered “rude” at all

  • Space and comfort : Elbows spread out and can invade the personal space of people next to you, especially at crowded tables, making them physically uncomfortable.
  • Body language : Leaning in heavily with both elbows can look aggressive, dominating, or impatient, something etiquette tried to reduce at communal meals where conflict was a real concern.
  • Posture and appearance : Elbows on the table encourage slouching, which has long been labeled as sloppy or “unrefined” posture in formal settings.

Modern etiquette: when it matters

  • Many modern etiquette coaches say elbows are fine in casual meals, during conversation between courses, or at a bar or cafĂŠ, as long as you’re not crowding anyone.
  • In formal dining (work dinners, weddings, high‑end restaurants), keeping elbows off the table while eating still signals that you understand traditional table manners and respect the occasion.
  • A common “update” is: elbows on the table while chatting between courses can be okay, but not while actively eating during a formal meal.

Different viewpoints today

  • Some see the rule as outdated and arbitrary, arguing that comfort and genuine conversation matter more than strict posture rules, especially among friends.
  • Others like the rule because it creates a small, visible standard of courtesy that keeps group meals from feeling chaotic or crowded.
  • Online forums and social posts often treat “elbows on the table” as one of those classic but negotiable manners: still taught, but widely bent in everyday life.

Quick scoop (TL;DR)

  • Origin: Practical and safety reasons at old trestle tables, then absorbed into upper‑class etiquette.
  • Meaning: Signals respect, self‑control, and awareness of others’ space at the table.
  • Today: Usually only “rude” in clearly formal settings or when your elbows crowd people; much more relaxed in casual meals.

Information gathered from public forums or data available on the internet and portrayed here.